Music & Young Children

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the love of music. Fortunately it doesn't require expensive lessons and instruments to do this.

Singing, even speaking in a sing-song voice to children is a natural for most parents. Something deep inside us tells us that music elicits joy and happiness and even calms our little ones. Charlotte Diamond, former teacher and now an award-winning children's performer elaborates on how easy it is to bring music into children's lives. "Young children love music and rhythm. Parents can rock their children and sing to them as a part of a regular routine each night before bed. It's not necessary to have a great voice, because children are simply happy to hear their parents voice and how they express themselves."

Whether or not you've studied music formally has nothing to do with sharing music with your child. 'I don't think a parent should ever be concerned about their own weakness musically", says Diamond. "Hearing someone sing with their own voice is great, it's part of who they are and part of their personality."

As for what you should sing to your child, the answer can be found in the songs and lullabies of your own childhood. It's not so much how perfectly sung they are explains Diamond. "What's being communicated is your love for your child, that you'll take care of them and that they are secure."

Diamond feels that the more young children are exposed to music, the more likely they will be to develop their musical abilities. "Music is everywhere. If parents have music playing in the home, on tapes in the car, and have fun singing songs with them, then music is just a part of everyday life and children will grow to be musical."

So rather than reserving music for your child's formal lessons, bring music into their lives on a regular basis. Sing songs at bedtime or find a favorite tape or CD to play in the car or at home. Diamond says parents should "make a point of listening to music together and sharing feelings with them about music. If you love something and tell them, then they might be encouraged to feel the same way."

Tips for Choosing Child Care

Finding good childcare requires patience, persistence and a few detective skills. Here's what to look for in a qualified day-care center.

For most of us, returning to work and finding alternative care for our child is a fact of life. For many, licensed day-care centers offer the answer. The question is, what makes a good day-care center?

Every day-care center provides, as the name implies, all day care including snacks, lunch and naptime. Generally the caregivers at licensed day-care centers must be fully trained in Early Childhood Education, or its equivalent. Beyond that, the signs of a good day-care center is how adult caregivers interact with children, says Nadia Hall of Mothercraft. "Look at the way care-giving routines are handled such as eating. Is it a time to socialize, to have a warm conversation so as to develop language skills and to allow the child to feel special? Look to see that children's self esteem is being built and that each child is known intimately well by the care-giver."

Hall believes one of the benefits of good day-care is socialization, even for babies as young as ten months. "Children form peer groups at nine and ten months and they know when someone is away. By the time they are toddlers they have formed a very solid peer group and that's the time care-givers are teaching them social skills such as sharing, empathy and learning how to do things as a group."

Finally, Hall says that as good as a day-care center may be, it may still not be the answer for your own child. "If the child is shy, slow to warm up to large groups of children or bothered by the noise level then perhaps a better option is family day care at private homes where there are smaller numbers with one nurturing mother figure."

While leaving young children behind in care is inevitable for many working parents, it's still a difficult adjustment. But by finding the most appropriate childcare arrangement from the onset, this back-to-work transition can be eased for both child and parent.

Camping Fun and Safety

When you take your kids camping in the great outdoors, there are a few things you must keep in mind, for safety's sake.

Camping during summer holidays is one of the best ways of experiencing a little one-on-one time with your children and with mother nature. While kids love the freedom of the great outdoors, so do many parents. After all, there are no clocks to watch, and no television or computers to divide attention. There's just you and the kids, making fires, roasting marshmallows, hiking and swimming.

Of course, camping can pose hazards. However, by exercising a little caution these hazards can be avoided. Fires must be supervised, as do all water activities. And because every year we hear or read of a child who has been lost in the woods, we need to keep a close eye on our little ones explains safety expert, Laurie LeClair. "If you are going to take your children on a camping weekend or a week, the key is to keep them as well supervised as possible. If your child does wander off, coach the child that if you wander off, stay put. If you lose us stay where you are, because we will find you. If you keep wandering around, we're all going to wander in circles and we're not going to find one another." LeClair also suggests that parents pin a whistle to their child's shirt or jacket as a safety measure. That way, if a child does get lost, he can stay in one place and blow his whistle to attract attention.

LeClair adds that accidents happen anywhere, including in campgrounds. Whether it's a scraped knee or something more serious, parents should be trained in basic CPR and first aid, and must bring along a first aid kit.

Finally, LeClair reminds us that "other hazards include wild animals, depending on where you're camping. Find out in advance what kind of animals are in the area from the camping authorities at that campground. Don't let your children feed the animals. It encourages them. It brings forth animals that may be congenial when they're being fed, but turn nasty if the food runs out."

All in all, camping is a wonderful family activity that teaches children appreciation of nature and provides quality time together for everyone. And with just a little common sense and a few precautions, camping can be a safe and fun summer vacation.

Traveling Europe with Kids Safely

Last summer, The Parent Report’s radio host, Joanne Wilson, traveled to Europe with her family. Here she shares what she learned to ensure the journey abroad was a safe one, as the sixth six of her seven part series, Traveling Europe with Kids continues.

Insure The Fun

There isn’t anything that can ruin a family vacation more than an illness or an accident. But incidents can happen and you’ll want to have precautions in place to either prevent them, or cope with them, in your travels.

First and foremost, make sure you get adequate medical and trip cancellation insurance. This is costly, but it’s also necessary. Travel insurance for our family cost us over 0.00. Budget for it, because chances are with a family of four, it will be used. In our case, two of our family members needed to be seen by a physician. Plus our luggage was delayed. Our insurance covered both the medical costs and the cost of purchasing some clothing and toiletry items while our luggage was being located. In the end, you’ll likely find insurance worthwhile, even if it only provides peace of mind.

Always Do Your Paper Work

Losing or having a purse or backpack stolen is one thing at home; it’s a whole other story when you’re abroad. Your entire trip could be jeopardized if you lose your passport, credit card, plane tickets, etc. So always take precautions.

Photocopy two sets of passports, train and plane tickets, travel and medical insurance, accommodation vouchers, etc. Leave one set with a friend or family member back home, and take an extra set with you, along with a list of emergency contacts. If anything goes missing, you’ll at least have your photocopies to refer to. Just make sure you carry the photocopied set in a different place than your original copies.

Travel writer/broadcaster Rick Steves suggests bringing Walkie Talkie’s along, and we found them quite useful when our kids wanted to head off to one shop or restaurant, and my husband and I to another. They only work within a short radius, but they are a way of keeping in touch. Other options are cell phones, but we discovered that although we could rent them in Europe it was very expensive to do so. If you’re planning on bringing along your own cell-phone from home, you better check to make sure it will work in Europe. Most don’t.

Keep Your Kids Safe

It’s important that when you’re traveling with your children, that they always carry an emergency contact from back hom,e such as that of a grandparent or aunt, as well as the name, phone number and address of the hotel or apartment you’re staying at in each city. (Some parents even have their kids carry a photocopy of their passport.) Also, get them a phone card to use and teach them how to use the public pay phone system in Europe as they are a little different than in North America. And make sure that your kids know a few key phrases in the language of their host country. Even just knowing how to say “I need help” and “Do you speak English?” can take them a long way in an emergency. And, tuck in enough Euros into their money belt so they can take a taxi back to home base if need be. Remind them that these Euros are there for emergency only, and not to be spent on ice cream or souvenirs! They should carry their money and emergency contacts in a money belt and be instructed to never remove their money belts when out and about.

Meeting Points

Each time you go sightseeing, find a meeting point. Don’t make it a vague meeting place, but actually point out a specific landmark. Keep in mind; you may need to change these many times when at the same site. For example, we discovered while at the Louvre in Paris, because it was so enormous, we needed to designate a new meeting place every time we entered a new area of the same museum. This gave our kids a sense of freedom to explore things at their own pace, and us peace of mind.

Avoid Nasty Bugs

Washing your hands frequently and drinking bottled water are the two simplest ways for keeping your family healthy when traveling. Water changes from town to town, and it can cause indigestion - so go with bottled water. Also, try to wash your hands frequently, or carry antibiotic wipes with you so that your family washes up before touching food or their face. It’s not that there’s any more illness in Europe than in North America, it’s that you want to avoid picking up a bug while on vacation. However, even with the best intentions, illness can happen anywhere, and it’s good to know that the medical system sppeared to be as good as anywhere in Canada.

One thing we found helpful and got use was our First Aid kit. In a zip lock bag we placed an assortment of goodies such as Pepto Bismal, Gravol, Tylenol, mole skin for blisters, Band-Aids, antibiotic cream, prepackaged alcohol swabs, a tensor Band-Aid, a thermometer, and a hot/cold pack. And guess what? At one point or another just about everything in our first aid kit found use. Of course many of these things can be found at pharmacies in Europe, but some things such as antibiotic cream require a prescription from a doctor. Also, you may need items from the kit when you’re in transit or in the middle of the night. So, carrying your own travel First Aid Kit could save you a headache...literally!

Now that your family’s safety and well-being are taken care of, it’s time to take care of your money! Coming up in our final installment, I’ll have a few tips about money as the Traveling Europe with Kids series continues.

Sibling Rivalry and Fights

Sibling rivalry may be inevitable, but there are still ways to get our kids to show a little respect for one another.

When it comes to relationships between siblings, most of us hope that our children have more good times together than bad. Still, expecting that brothers and sisters will never fight is probably unrealistic, according to Dr. Penelope Leach, renowned child psychologist and author. She says sibling rivalry is simply a fact of family life. "I think fights between siblings are inevitable. And there are phases when siblings actually enjoy fighting. Sometimes parents worry too much and intervene too quickly."

Many experts feel that refereeing every fight can add to the rifts and take away the opportunity for children to negotiate their own solutions. "Still," says Leach, "if a child is being hurt physically or emotionally, then a parent must intervene and insist on decent behavior."

Leach adds that parents "shouldn't be too eager to assure each sibling that they love each other, because if people aren't feeling loving that doesn't help. But parents can help siblings be civil to each other by insisting from the beginning that feelings are your own, but behavior is public. You do not have the right to behave badly to your sibling. You don't have to be best friends, you don't have to share everything, but you must behave decently in the family."

Psychologist and family therapist, Dr. Michael Elterman agrees that with siblings who are around the same age, a few ground rules around fighting are all that's usually required. "Where you're dealing with children that are of a similar age and intellectual level, the rules should be that arguing verbally is okay and parents need not get involved. But the rules are that if there is any violence at all such as hitting or harming the other person's property or invasion of their personal space, parents become involved."

However, Elterman adds that parents need to more carefully monitor fighting when there's a significant age difference between the children. "Sibling rivalry between a 3 and 12 year old is something that parents will need to watch very carefully because the potential for manipulation and cheating the younger child out of things, and physical violence is much greater."

Finally, on the upside, Elterman adds that rivalry does have its pluses because it teaches children about negotiation. "What I think we want to teach children is that they learn problem solving skills and to generate alternatives to fighting."

Air Travel with Young Children

Air travel with young children doesn't have to mean fussing and crying. With a little planning, flying can be an enjoyable part of a family vacation.

Flying by air with young children may seem like a daunting task. After all, we've probably all sat near a crying baby and thought how frustrating it must be to travel with an unhappy tyke. But with a little preparation, air travel with young children can go off without a hitch.

First, if your flight isn't too long, try to arrange it around your child's naptime. If it is a long flight, consider flying later in the day, or in the early evening when a child may fall asleep for part of the flight. Also take advantage of the many conveniences airlines offer such as children's meals, headsets, and even activity sets. And once you're in the air, it's wise to prevent boredom by keeping your child occupied explains in-flight safety manager Christine Holiday. "It's really important that you keep your children active while they're on the plane because children aren't aware of the time factor. I recommend bringing a lot of little activities and books to keep them occupied. There's not a lot for them to see once above the clouds."

Holiday adds that parents are doing themselves a favor by arriving early to take advantage of preboarding. "We recommend that you get to the airport so that you have lots of time to make the arrangements and last minute trips to the bathroom. The airlines offer preboarding assistance that allows you to get settled in seats before the rest of the passengers get on. In addition, you'll get any preflight briefing important to those who have children on board."

Another reminder is that children can find take-off and landing uncomfortable on their ears, so have your infant nurse, or give her a pacifier or a bottle. For the older child, candy or gum can ease the ear blockage. And of your child has a cold, see your doctor before traveling. He may recommend you re-arrange your trip for another time, as flying can be extremely painful for children's ears when they have a cold.

Finally, if your child finds flying upsetting, don't fret too much. When all is said and done, plane trips are relatively short and before you know it you'll be back on the ground either safe at home or enjoying what will be a memorable vacation together.

Tips for Choosing Child Care

Finding good childcare requires patience, persistence and a few detective skills. Here's what to look for in a qualified day-care center.

For most of us, returning to work and finding alternative care for our child is a fact of life. For many, licensed day-care centers offer the answer. The question is, what makes a good day-care center?

Every day-care center provides, as the name implies, all day care including snacks, lunch and naptime. Generally the caregivers at licensed day-care centers must be fully trained in Early Childhood Education, or its equivalent. Beyond that, the signs of a good day-care center is how adult caregivers interact with children, says Nadia Hall of Mothercraft. "Look at the way care-giving routines are handled such as eating. Is it a time to socialize, to have a warm conversation so as to develop language skills and to allow the child to feel special? Look to see that children's self esteem is being built and that each child is known intimately well by the care-giver."

Hall believes one of the benefits of good day-care is socialization, even for babies as young as ten months. "Children form peer groups at nine and ten months and they know when someone is away. By the time they are toddlers they have formed a very solid peer group and that's the time care-givers are teaching them social skills such as sharing, empathy and learning how to do things as a group."

Finally, Hall says that as good as a day-care center may be, it may still not be the answer for your own child. "If the child is shy, slow to warm up to large groups of children or bothered by the noise level then perhaps a better option is family day care at private homes where there are smaller numbers with one nurturing mother figure."

While leaving young children behind in care is inevitable for many working parents, it's still a difficult adjustment. But by finding the most appropriate childcare arrangement from the onset, this back-to-work transition can be eased for both child and parent.

Rural Safety

Down on the farm, life may be sweet. But country living poses many hazards to the unsuspecting family.

If you live in the country or simply enjoy the occasional visit to a farm or ranch, it's important to keep in mind just how hazardous country life can be. That's because farms and ranches aren't just homes, they're work environments. "Farms and ranches are very dangerous places, particularly for children," says Brian Lowe of the BC Safety Council. "There's an awful lot of very hazardous equipment and machinery around. There's a lot of pesticides and fertilizers around that can produce chemical burns, so it's a very risky place for children."

Lowe says it's when children begin to get involved with farm chores that they're at their greatest risk. "Children on farms are most vulnerable from about the age of six and up when start to get involved with farm chores. The older they get, the more heavy-duty the assignments, until they're operating ATV's and tractors on their own. If there's a good training process in place that's not too bad, but if not then it can be extremely hazardous. "

Laurie LeClair of the Canada Safety Council agrees that children need to be well trained for their chores. And she adds that the chores must be age appropriate. "When a child is old enough to begin taking on responsibilities such as feeding animals and cleaning areas of the farm, they have to be brought along at their speed. Parents must remember their strength, age and just how much they can retain when learning a new task. Observe them a few times to make sure they do it properly and safely and then move on."

And it's not just the curious preschooler or school aged child who is at risk. Infants and toddlers can be in danger if caution isn't exercised. Lowe says, "infants can fall into pails. They're very curious. There's nothing more tragic then an infant toddling around the yard and being immersed in a pile of fertilizer. They can be suffocated, burned or poisoned."

Finally, LeClair reminds parents that not only do they need to be vigilant but that they need to teach their kids from day one to never take safety for granted. "Farming is a way of life. Often when you have grown up living and working on a farm, you don't realize that when bringing up a new set of children, these children aren't as used to it as they are. For them it's an everyday occurrence; riding tractors, going into grain storage bins, etc. For the children this is a new experience and parents often forget that the children have to be educated the way they once were."

Life as a Single Parent

Single parenting. Why it's important to take care of yourself... for kids' sake!

Although being a single parent isn't the taboo it was generations ago, the job of raising kids on your own is still a tough one. After all, it's single parents who must carry out all of the parenting roles... from provider to nurturer and all else in between. And that leaves little time for a social life. Yet, according to family life instructor Jodi Pemberton, there is no one who more needs a network of family and friends than the single parent. "It’s easy for a single parent to get themselves into a bubble," explains Pemberton. "Between work and quality time with the kids, a single parent has little time left to go out with friends, so they don't network and get the support system that they need." Pemberton adds that "single parent families are family units within themselves. So getting out there and being with other families is absolutely crucial."

Jodi Pemberton suggests that another secret to successful single parenting is rewarding yourself for devotion to the task. "Try to reward yourself everyday. Do something good for yourself, like a long hot bath, a chocolate or 10 minutes of meditation. Rewarding yourself is very important."

As well as taking care of yourself, single parents need to take good care of their limited finances. Senior tax manager Cynthia Santin says single parents often have quite a financial burden to contend with but that with diligence, life on one income can be managed successfully. "I think as a single parent there is potential for living comfortably, but you're going to have to have extremely good control over your financial situation. You're going to have to make a financial plan and budget, and compare your actual expenditures to your budget. You're going to have to maximize all the tax deductions available and look to any government assistance you can receive," suggests Santin.

And Santin’s final word of financial caution for the single parent is simple but true for any type of family unit! "If you have credit cards, manage them very carefully."

Divorce and Successful Shared Parenting

Whether you live in separate homes or separate cities, sharing the parenting of a child requires a special touch, and a willingness to put your child’s needs and feelings ahead of your own.

Today, many marriages end in divorce and in many cases parents are choosing joint custody arrangements for their children. This means that any major decisions are shared, and that the kids spend ample time with both parents. While this arrangement is often better for children, it can be challenging for the parents. Laurie Coulter, author of "Two Homes" says that the secret to successful shared parenting begins with a positive outlook. "I think it's important to first, not view yourself as a failure because your marriage has ended. I like to talk of marriages ending rather than failing, and I think we have to believe our children aren’t going to be failures because a marriage has ended."

Laurie adds, "When a marriage has ended the family simply becomes a different type of family. It becomes two units each headed by a parent rather than one unit headed by two parents."

While there are often feeling of anger and bitterness between parents, in order to co-parent successfully it’s vital that these feelings are put aside so that parents can "develop a parenting partnership based on the needs of the child rather than your own needs", says Coulter.

But for divorced parents, separated from their children by hundreds or thousands of miles, shared parenting needs to be handled differently. In this situation remaining a part of your child’s life in spite of the miles separating you, has it’s own challenges. Family therapist Timothy Bentley says when you do have some one on one time with your child, it may "require a light touch and a more gentle hand, allowing the child to set more of the standard of how they wish to behave so that you’re not coming down with an artificial and foreign regime for the child."

Bentley says it’s vital for parents to communicate with their children to understand what they want and need from both parents. Then it’s vital that parents put their feelings about their relationship on the back burner so that they can put their children’s feelings and needs first.

Vacations and Visits

Summer often finds us at family reunions and visiting long lost relatives in other cities. As nice as these visits may be, it's difficult for children to be on their best behavior.

In fact, it’s not uncommon for children to get whiney and clingy when meeting relatives. That’s because, while our children may have seen many photos of aunts and uncles, these people are in essence, total strangers to our children. That means their first face to face meeting can be a little daunting to your young one. Parent educator Sue Bourque says, “children need time to adjust to new people who are entering into their lives. That grandparent or aunt or uncle who are seeing this child for the first time have the need to hug and hold and cuddle them, but it needs to be done slowly. The child needs time to adjust."

The key to making visits at relatives and friends pleasant for everyone is in planning ahead. Parent educator Diane Loisie suggests “if you're going over to someone's home that doesn't usually have kids, phone ahead. See what they have, find out about a room they can play in, get your kids to bring toys they want to play with. As well take some toys ahead of time, put them in a box, and that's like a surprise for the kids.” Diane adds it’s wise to “take a video with you so that they can have some quiet time after supper when they're more tired.”

Sue Bourque agrees that when staying with a relative on vacation, make sure you bring a long a lot of familiar items. “It's important when you go to visit relatives to take along some of the toys the child is used to, or a pillow that’s familiar and makes the child feel comfortable,” explains Sue. “Children are very bored when they listen to adults reminiscing. So take along toys, coloring books, treat bags.”

Finally remember to take a few moments to do a quick child safety check of a home you’re visiting. Ask your host if they wouldn’t mind putting detergents that under a sink out of the reach of a child, and ensure that Grandma’s heart medicine isn’t tucked into a night table or anywhere within a child’s reach. Consider packing a child gate and covers for electric outlets when traveling.

Of course this is your holiday too, so you may want ask your host to arrange to have a baby sitter for some of the time you’re there. That way you can relax and visit, while your children are well supervised in an unfamiliar setting.